February 2024
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How do you run a Third World hell-hole?

As our politicians make an even bigger mess of the Middle East and Africa, here are a couple of simple foreign-policy multiple-choice questions to make our rulers’ jobs a  little easier:

Q.1 How do you run a Middle East country full of backward savages who all hate each other?

a) A strong dictator, preferably with a military background?

b) A brutal, peace-loathing Isl*mic theocracy that crushes all internal dissent and wants to first destroy Israel and then the West?

c) A liberal democracy where everybody is jolly polite and respects each other a bit like they do in the better parts of Knightsbridge, Notting Hill Gate, Westminster, Kensington and Chelsea where most of our stupid politicians and Israel-hating media opinion-formers live?

d) Total on-going chaos and civil war where everyone gets great pleasure from slaughtering each other, the more brutally the better?

Q.2 How do you run an African country condemned to poverty and destitution by the greed and stupidity of its leaders and the fact that its population doubles every 20 years?

a) Leave current rulers in place till they are overthrown by a new set of brutal kleptocrats who will in their turn be overthrown by yet another bunch of brutal kleptocrats and so on into the future. In the meantime, pour in billions in aid, most of which will be stolen and the little that gets through only encourages more rapid population growth with the result that the rapidly growing population completely outstrips the country’s natural resources of food, water and land leading to ever more conflict over those resources?

b) Try to encourage the development of a liberal democracy in a country where people vote on the basis of tribal loyalties, where corruption ensures that elections are even more rigged than they are in places like Tower Hamlets and Birmingham and where, once they’re in power and feeding off the country’s wealth and aid money, no tribe will allow themselves to be ousted from power peacefully?

c) Re-colonise –  make the country a UN protectorate, throw out the brutal kleptocrats, confiscate the stolen billions in their offshore bank accounts, try them in an international court for crimes against humanity and start using the country’s wealth and a bit of aid to build roads, schools, hospitals and to encourage education and agriculture while implementing an aggressive programme of birth control?

Now, that wasn’t too difficult was it? Though, of course, political correctness and fear of being labelled a “waaaacccciiiiisssstttt!” prevent us from doing what most people (apart from our rulers, Guardian readers and BBC journalists) know should be done.

(By the way, I’ve decided to continue writing my book THE GREAT CHARITY SCANDAL exposing the greed and incompetence of Britain’s bloated charity industry. Almost 9,000 words already written. I’ll probably have to publish it myself using my own meagre savings, so I hope that when I do, unlike with my last two books GREED UNLIMITED  and DON’T BUY IT! some readers will support my work by managing to find a few quid to buy a copy)

5 comments to How do you run a Third World hell-hole?

  • Baroness Bonkers

    Someone like General Gadaffi or Sadam Hussein? Shame Bliar killed them (indirectly,of course).

  • taxxxedtothemaxxx

    Oh the irony of it all…. Those brutal dictators that where disposed of during the Arab spring can now reapply for their jobs back as it seems they where doing quite a good job of keeping the peace.

  • Yes, precisely someone like Gadaffi or Saddam. But you have to have the cojones to let these dictators know, in no uncertain terms, how far they can push their luck before they and their families are wiped out.

  • Nigel Algar

    Last week I had my annual medical. Apparently, my blood pressure if off the scale. If you want to sell more books, I suggest you include appropriate medication with each copy….or at least a health warning on the cover.

    Keep it up.

  • John Fields

    A strong dictator? What problems will the west create when they finally bring
    about the downfall of President Assad. His crimes will look like a picnic
    compared to what may follow. A shinig example is the break-up of Libya.

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