December 2010
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A New Year’s message from Dave and George

Hello oiks. 2011 is going to be a pretty tough year, at least it will be for you stupid oiks. For us and all our friends, we’ll be having a whale of a time with your money. Firstly, our ‘tough’ new rules on MPs’ expenses mean they can now steal even more of your money […]

A beginner’s guide to Gordonomics

Some of us facing an economically horrific 2011, might still be wondering how we got into this mess after 13 years of rule by that great economist, towering intellect and pillar of Presbyterian prudence Gordon Liar Brown. So to help, here is a brief guide to Gordonomics:

Step 1. If the government earns 300bn pounds […]

A prosperous New Year for the “100,000 Club”

While most of us face a dismal 2011 with rising taxes, rising inflation and rising unemployment, the members of the “100,000 Club” will be living it up at our expense. The “100,000 Club” are the 100,000 politicians, bureaucrats, civil servants and council managers who will pick up over £100,000 a year of taxpayers’ money for […]

A Christmas message from our MPs to our troops

Hi there. Hope you’re enjoying the weather in Afghanistan. Back here in Britain it’s pretty miserable. We know you’re being killed and injured in a pointless war supporting a corrupt puppet government. But if we were to bring you home, that would mean admitting we made a mistake sending you in the first place. And […]

Lying buffoons Cameron and Osborne increase public spending (on their friends)

Those two lying buffoons David “we’re all in this together” Cameron and George “we’re all in this together” Osborne have managed to increase public spending to a record level. Perhaps they didn’t realise that stuffing the House of Lords full of their mates allowing them to sponge off taxpayers for the rest of their lives […]

Can Rooney only score with hookers?

As the underperforming, self-satisfied lump of lard that is Wayne Rooney misses a penalty against Arsenal, some people must be wondering if the Roon can only score with (usually ageing) hookers. Even girls who would open their legs for any footballer demand thousands when servicing our Wayne.

Still, as well as scoring a few hookers, […]

Africa isn’t our fault

About the time of year, multimillionaire (usually tax-avoiding) popstars and celebs (hello Bono) like to tell the rest of us who have little money and do pay our taxes that we should yet again be giving generously to help relieve poverty in Africa. But there are some unfortunate facts these hypocrites don’t mention. Africa has […]

Is the head of Ofgem a thief and a liar?

As Britain feezes (what happened to global warming?) many people will be waiting in terror for their next fuel bill. You might have noticed that most of our energy suppliers are owned by foreign companies, mainly French and German. Do you want to know why? It’s because with Ofgem’s pathetic avoidance of doing what it […]

Just had my first death threat

I always thought I might get into trouble because I exposed what a stupid, cowardly, lying, incompetent buffoon Brown is and from my attacks on the wasteful and corrupt EU. I expected PC Plod to turn up on my doorstep with some trumped up charges. But those I criticised sensibly ignored my spoutings as they […]

What’s the difference between an Asian beach and a garbage dump?

Anyone who has visited the holiday ‘paradises’ of Bali or Phuket has probably noticed the local habit of throwing their rubbish everywhere and anywhere except in a garbage bin. So, what’s the difference between an Asian beach and a garbage dump? There’s usually more rubbish on the beach than in the garbage dump.