What McKinsey management consultants really think of their stupid, gullible clients

I’m not sure if I’ve already used this. It’s a song reportedly sung at a McKinsey consultants’ Christmas party (to the tune of Hark The Herald Angels Sing) (click on picture to see more clearly)

If you aim to get the best result

And maximum performance you want to see

Then you really should consult

A Management Consultancy

McKinsey management consultants are we

We take all our clients’ money

We can earn many a million

Because our clients have no vision. (Repeat last two lines as chorus)

If Process Redesign is what you will

And you think it’ll make a success of all you do

Then rely on us to send you a bill

While we redesign your processes for you.

We are from McKinsey – young, bright and flash

We take mountains of our clients’ cash

We win lots of new clients rich and fine

When we go round flogging Process Redesign (Repeat last two lines as chorus)

We’ve got handouts and we’ve got flip charts

And dazzling PowerPoint presentations

And we blow clients away

With our brilliant explanations.

We are McKinsey’s little lackeys

Telling clients they’re in trouble is just one of our strategies

Our language is smart and makes our clients ill-at-ease

It’s what we call ’Consultantese’. (Repeat last two lines as chorus)

The culture at ……. is a real dead weight

But we crush resistance before it grows

We’re used to organisations in a dreadful state

Because, of course, we are Pros!

We are McKinsey’s real hard core

We are the ones who’ll win the war

Now we’re going to party and have fun because

Cheers! We’ve just got our bonuses from Santa Claus. (Repeat last two lines as chorus)

*I have reported this song as best as I can, considering the circumstances in which I came across it