February 2021
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Al-BBC TV guide in 30-40 years?

As uncontrolled immigration and higher birth rates put Muslims into the majority in ever more British cities and institutions, one Internet user has imagined what an Al-BBC TV schedule will look like in 30 years time. Muslim Television Guide (formerly known as the BBC, ITV, CH4) circa 2050.

I found this slightly amusing, I have no doubt normal people will consider it deeply offensive.

6.00: G-Had TV.  Morning prayers.
8.30: Talitubbies.  Talitubbies say “Eh-oh”. Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00: Shouts of Praise. More prayers.

10.00: The Apprentice.  Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week – one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.

11.00: Jihad’s Army.  The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!  Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30: Panoramadan. The programme reports on Great Satan America’s attempts to take over the world.

13.30: Xena.  Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00: Only Fools and Camels.  Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30: Green Peter.  The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00: Madrasah Challenge.  Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. ‘Starter for ten, no praying.’

15.30: Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
16.30: Countdown. Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?
17.00: Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.

17.30: Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.

18.00: Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18.30: Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?

19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go ‘inshallah’, or ask the Islamic Council?
20.00: FILM: Shariah’s Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.

20.00 FILM (on the blood-red button) Seven brides for one of our brothers
21.30: Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

22.00: Imam Ted.  Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga’il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.
22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.  More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30: They think it’s Allah over.  Quiz culminating in the ‘Don’t feel the Mullah’ round.

Midnight: When Imams Attack.  Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
00:.30: The West Bank Show.  Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

02.00: A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again

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