Are the Ukrainians doing Russians a favour?

Wednesday blog

I’ll only leave this up for one day as there’s another blog I want to write. But I thought it worth doing this blog as it possibly gives a  perspective on the Russia/Ukraine war I haven’t seen in the media.

Paltrow’s porkies?

Before I get into my blog, I was thinking about the absurd court case in the USA between Hollywood royalty, Queen Gwyneth Paltrow, and a retired optometrist. I have been skiing each year for quite a few years and there were various aspects of Ms Paltrow’s version of events which struck me as more than unlikely:

• She claims the optometrist skied up behind her, put his skis between her legs and they fell over. If that was the case, then as they were going downhill the optometrist would have fallen on top of her and, given that both would have been wearing thick ski outfits, the optometrist’s fall would have been cushioned by Ms Paltrow’s body and he wouldn’t have sustained several broken ribs and a head injury. On the other hand, if Ms Paltrow had skied into the retired optometrist landing on top of him, that might explain why he sustained injuries while she could ski away uninjured
• Ms Paltrow claimed that the retired optometrist had started grunting as he skied into her forcing her legs open. She seemed to be suggesting that he had sexually assaulted her. I have never sexually assaulted anyone. But if I did want to, the last person I would try sexually assaulting would be someone wearing a full-body ski suit on a green (easy) ski slope in the middle of the day.

Of course, this is just my ignorant opinion. Queen Gwyneth may be totally innocent. And even if she’s guilty, I suspect she can buy any number of prostitute ‘experts’ who will ‘prove’ her innocence providing sufficient fees and expenses are handed over. And I suspect Queen Gwyneth will win the case whether she is guilty or not.

But from my limited experience of skiing and of how gravity works, I believe that Ms Paltrow is telling a massive Paltrow porkie. If this is the case, it may provide an interesting insight into the minds and morals of Hollywood royalty. They can never admit they are in the wrong. I understand that Ms Paltrow is worth about $300m. I propose that she would be more admired if she could just say, “I’m sorry, I was distracted by my children and wasn’t paying attention” and give the guy the $300,000 he’s asking for.

Are the Ukrainians doing the Russians a favour?

I’ve just got back from an extended trip to South-East Asia. As you’ll know, Russians can’t take holidays in Europe – London, Paris, Alpine ski resorts, the French Riviera and suchlike. But several Asian countries are absolutely swamped by Russian tourists. In Thailand, for example, all the restaurants have menus in Thai, Russian and English. And the private hospitals have full-time Russian interpreters available for all the Russian tourists who get the usual holiday problems – food poisoning, sunburn, dog bites from Thailand’s more than one million strays and nasty scrapes from motorbike accidents when the Russians drive around on rented mopeds in shorts and a t-shirt.

Given that I speak a bit of Russian, I asked a few Russians whether they were worried about getting drafted to fight in Ukraine and what they thought of the Ukraine war. The Russians I spoke to were from the middle and upper classes (who could afford foreign holidays) and said there was no chance of them being drafted as they had the money and/or connections to avoid the draft. As for the war in Ukraine, one Russian said that the Ukrainians were doing Russia a favour by killing the tens of thousands of criminals – rapists, murderers, thieves, blackmailers, drug dealers etc – who had ‘volunteered’ to fight in return for a pardon (in the unlikely event that they survived). As for the ordinary non-criminal Russians sent to Ukraine, well they mostly came from the lowest, least-educated levels of Russian society, often from ethnic minorities despised by middle- and upper-class Russians. So the people I spoke to felt that their deaths were no great loss for their country.

If you’re a Russian poor enough or criminal enough to be sent to the slaughter in Ukraine, please bear in mind that your more privileged countrymen couldn’t give a toss what happens to you? So why not take the rusty, 20-year-old gun you’ve been given and the few bullets you’ve been allowed to have, shoot your incompetent, corrupt officers and go home? Your wonderful president is already one of the richest people in the world. Do you want to be seriously injured or die to make him even richer?