The world’s most humorous religion?

(Thursday blog)

With so much ghastly stuff going on the world, to lighten things up, I thought I’d bring you two stories today which prove that the Religion of Peacefulness’s God must have a sense of humour, even if many of his followers apparently don’t. I’ve also added a link at the end of today’s blog to what appears to be an instructional video on how to deal with a problematic female.

God must have been angry?

A Muslim cleric who was set to participate in�qurban�(animal sacrifice) during Sunday�s Idul Adha in Blitar, East Java, has died following three days of being in a coma after a cow struck his body. Sureki, 64, died on Wednesday evening at Ngudi Waluyo Hospital after being hit by the cow at Miftahul Jannah Mosque in Wlingi subdistrict, Blitar.

The incident started when one of several cows escaped from its tethers and ran for about 100 meters from its original place, said Farhan, the mosque caretaker.

Sureki � who was supposed to take part in the slaughtering of four sacrificial cattle and 17 goats as part of a ritual for the Islamic Day of Sacrifice � had arrived at the mosque where the cow was when the incident occurred. �The cow suddenly ran toward him and struck [Sureki�s] chin with its head,� Farhan told�The Jakarta Post�on Thursday. Sureki fell backward with the back of his head hitting the pavement of the mosque yard. The incident left him unconscious and he was immediately admitted to the hospital.

Farhan said the cow that hit the cleric was donated by Blitar Regent Rijanto. �The cow is big and fierce. Its leash was broken when it tried to escape,� he added.

Sureki, a resident of Mronjo village in Selopuro subdistrict, was the head of the Selopuro chapter of Nahdlatul Ulama, the country�s largest Islamic organization. He was known during his lifetime as a cleric who was active in social and religious events. Sureki was also a coordinator for Quran reading sessions after�subuh�(dawn prayer) in East Blitar and manager of an orphanage in Selopuro.

Sureki�s son Yusuf Affandi said his father had undergone a head operation, but his condition had not improved. The late cleric was laid to rest on Thursday morning.

The devil’s vinegar?

And now to our own capital city – Sadiq-Khanistan.

A Muslim man has described his shock after discovering a Pret A Manger sandwich he had been eating for 12 years is not halal. Khalid Qadeer was stunned when he realised his favourite tuna baguette sandwich contained white wine vinegar.

Mr Qadeer, who works in London, said it is “like a nut allergy” for many Muslims as they have “zero tolerance” towards it.

He told Metro.co.uk: “Being a Muslim I can�t consume anything with alcohol. And there�s probably thousands of Muslims who buy products from Pret. As most people know, some Muslims drink alcohol and the rest, but there is a certain percentage that will have a �oh what the f***� moment here. I�ve worked in the City for the last 12 years as a tax adviser and I would have never bought the product had I known.”

Mr Qadeer complained to his local Pret store manager and his case was later raised to Pret�s CEO, Clive Schlee. The Pret�CEO said his “technicians” have been “calculating the alcohol content of the white wine vinegar” in the tuna mayo baguette.

Mr Schlee wrote: “We have now established it contains much less than even a trace amount and is certainly well below the labelling threshold. By way of comparison there is much less alcohol than you would find in most orange juices.”

Mr Qadeer later met the CEO in person at one of his stores in London but maintains his concerns have been �dismissed�.

Incidentally, none of Pret’s products, as far as I know, are labelled as being ‘halal’. But it wouldn’t surprise me if Mr Qadeer will be consulting his lawyers to try to find some way to sue Pret and loads of mosques will be preaching hell and damnation against the company.

Dealing with an uppity woman?

Oh, and if your female partner has been in any way insolent to you as the man of the house, here’s some guidance from Algeria or Morocco or somewhere like that on how to deal with her:

https://d.tube/#!/v/vladtepesblog/QmdYyZ626EcseHvKGWNpx3wa69XsTyEpYQx5p6BK2nYT2R