A Christmas message from our MPs to our troops

Hi there. Hope you’re enjoying the weather in Afghanistan. Back here in Britain it’s pretty miserable. We know you’re being killed and injured in a pointless war supporting a corrupt puppet government. But if we were to bring you home, that would mean admitting we made a mistake sending you in the first place. And we can never admit making a mistake, no matter how many of you oiks get killed or maimed.

Back here we’re having the time of our lives. The new expenses rules mean we can steal even more taxpayers’ money. Meanwhile you poor sods are getting shot at for no reason at all. Hey, in life there are winners and losers. You lot are the losers and we’re definitely the winners. Have a great Christmas – we’ll be having a wonderful Christmas and a very prosperous New Year. Give me some more expenses!