Has Simon Cowell screwed and now been screwed?

We should thank Simon “Slimey” Cowell for some great entertainment. No, I don’t mean his screeching karaoke competition, nor his “Eastern Europe’s got talent because Britain hasn’t”. I’m referring, of course, to his alleged shenanigans with the wife of a (former?) friend.

If the papers are to be believed, Slimey has been poking a certain Lauren Silverman and now the good lady is allegedly pregnant with Slimey’s baby.

Here’s Slimey looking pretty pleased with himself as any man who has made over £200m should:

And here’s Slimey apparently on a luxury yacht with his (former?) friend and his alleged lover:

Being a former management consultant, I started trying to ‘do the numbers’. Lauren Silverman has been married for about 10 years. Let’s assume Slimey has been bonking her for, say, 3 years and let’s assume they have got it on maybe 20 times a year (I imagine it will actually be much less as Slimey must have a very busy work schedule). That means they’ve had boom boom about 60 times.

Now, how much will all this cost Slimey? Let’s just assume the total cost is a modest £10m to look after the lady and his child (if he is indeed the father). So, that’s 60 boom booms at a total cost of £10m giving a cost per boom boom of an astonishing £166,666.

Of course, it could be true love and Slimey may be overjoyed about the alleged pregnancy, in which case a stupid, cynical, childish financial calculation like the one above would be completely irrelevant.

I wonder what Paul “I’m a lot poorer since I met the delectable Heather” McCartney thinks about it all?

At the time of McCartney’s divorce, there was a joke going round:

There was a dreadful accident at a goldmine in South Africa. There was only one survivor. But though rescued alive from the disaster, the miner lost one leg. When interviewed by a journalist, the miner couldn’t stop crying in anguish. “But you should be happy your life was saved” the journalist said. “No”, replied the miner, “who’s going to want a one-legged gold-digger?”

I wanted a picture to go with this rather old joke and Googled “one-legged gold-digger” on Google Images. This is the first picture that came up. I wonder why?

Meanwhile in the real world – it seems that Iran’s new president has called for the destruction of Israel. This is the guy that the politically-correct buffoons at the BBC call a ‘moderate’. When are the overpaid, over-pensioned, thieving, child-molesting self-important parasites at the BBC going to realise that our Arab friends don’t do ‘moderate’? They hate Israel, they hate us and they hate each other (Sunnis hate Shiites hate Alawites etc etc) almost as much as they hate Israel and us.