August 2017
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Message to fans from England footballers “we’re so rich, we don’t give a toss!’

Pathetic, dismal, boring, unadventurous, cowardly – is there any other way to describe the England football team’s half-hearted efforts at the euro 2012 tournament? In none of their games have the England team even attempted to attack. Instead they cower in their own half and then wonder why they can’t score any goals. As for the useless FA – once again they waste tens of millions hiring a manager who can’t hack it. The problem is that England footballers earn so much money from their clubs and their tax avoidance schemes, that they can’t be arsed to try when playing for their country. In fact, the whole euro 2012 tournament was an unwelcome interruption to the players’ summer holidays.

Now they’re out, our multimillionaire players can go back to their luxury yachts and relax for a couple of months. In the changing room, they’ll probably all be laughing at their luck in being able to go back on holiday and they’ll probably all be congratulating Ashley Cole for dribbling the ball weakly into the Italian goalkeeper’s hands during the penalty shootout, After all, if Ashley Cole hadn’t flopped, the England team might have had to postpone their holidays and play Germany. Perhaps the England team’s official song should be Cliff Richard’s Summer Holiday – “we’re all going on a summer holiday, to do the things we’ve always wanted to….”

As for Germany, they’ll be sad to see England go. The Germans were hoping England would stay as England’s deadbeats would be so easy to beat.

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