April 2024

My latest book – “FORGET THE FOREPLAY” – is now available

(Monday/Tuesday blog)

Many years ago I toyed with the idea of making a living by writing satirical/humorous novels.

I actually had 3 of my novels published by a mainstream publisher and then disaster struck.

Disaster struck in the form of my 4th book. This book was based on something a girl once said to me. From it I wrote what I believe to be one of the best opening paragraphs I have ever read:

“Forget the foreplay – shove it in!” she ordered as she grabbed hold of the Englishman’s three-quarters erect thingummyjig and pushed it roughly into an intimate part of herself, rather like a hot-dog vendor shoving a wobbly, recalcitrant frankfurter into a warm sesame seed bun.

But when I submitted my 4th book “FORGET THE FOREPLAY The sex education of an Englishman” to my agent at the time – a very upper-class lady – she said that it was just badly-written pornographic rubbish and she refused to even offer it to any publishers as she feared that offering the book would damage her reputation.

I was somewhat disappointed at this abrupt end to my fiction-writing career. So I had to go off and get a ‘proper job’, with a salary of sorts and give up all hope of being a great satirical/humorous writer.

But now I’ve decided to publish “FORGET THE FOREPLAY”. It’s available as a paperback or as a Kindle e-book:

I hope my readers will support me by buying one or even more copies. Then you can decide – is my book just a pile of badly-written pornographic rubbish? Or is it a rather amusing work of literary genius as I have always believed?

You can buy the book at

6 comments to My latest book – “FORGET THE FOREPLAY” – is now available

  • Bad Brian. Scotchland.

    I’m happy to forget it but first you have to tell us what it is !

  • David Craig

    In Scotland it’s when the man of the house comes home drunk and tells his wife/girlfriend “get yer knickers off Agnes, ah need a good poke!”

  • zx80

    I think the title is fine, the subject matter should have been an insiders expose of the muslim rape gangs of britain.

  • david brown

    Famous put down line -is it in yet?

    We are still in the EU is that not what May intended all along . If you think she set out to sabotage our leaving from the start all her actions make sense.
    It took less than three months to send a task force to liberate the Falklands and return.
    It took May ten months to send- article 50 – a letter to Strasbourg.

  • David Craig

    And I think the answer to that is something like “my organ’s working, but I didn’t realise I’d be playing in a cathedral”

  • katerina

    I bought a copy two days ago after reading about it here, we’re both in the humour section and sales would indicate there is a shortage of a sense of humour knocking round.

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>