Beyonce is pregnant!!!! Um, who cares?

What’s the front-page story today? Apparently someone called Beyonce has announced that she is pregnant. It’s even a top story in the Times, Telegraph and Grauniad. Who cares? Not me. But for millions upon millions of celeb-obsessed, pig-ignorant, inactive, overweight, brain-dead Brits this is really important news.

How are we ever going to compete with countries like China and India where universities are turning out hundreds of thousands of highly qualified engineers and scientists every year, when the most significant event in many under-qualified, oafish Brits’ lives will be the day they learnt that someone called Beyonce was pregnant?