Calling all Romanians and Bulgarians. Here’s how to get £36,000 a year benefits in Britain

Let’s say you are a Romanian or Bulgarian, married, 30-year-old, male, and have six kids, and you move to Britain. First thing that happens is that you’ll be given this helpful booklet explaining all the wonderful benefits to which you’re entitled as a citizen of the EUSSR. I believe it’s available in both Romanian and Bulgarian:

The booklet is fairly helpful. But let me guide you anyway, so you don’t miss out on any of the delightful £36,000 a year in benefits you can claim, all paid for by the stupid suckers in Britain who work and pay taxes.

Firstly: You work 15 hours a week earning £7.50 an hour doing a job that an English worker expects £12.00 an hour for – That’s £112.15 a week

Your employer hires three part-time migrants instead of one full-time English bloke, because his wage bill drops from £12 an hour to £7.50, so he’s delighted. You don’t pay taxes, because you don’t earn enough. You still qualify for JSA. That’s an extra £71.70 a week – source: https://www.gov.uk/jobseekers-…

Your wife is disabled, because she’s “depressed” and can’t do anything without help, so she’ll need disability payments of £79.15 a week – source: https://www.gov.uk/dla-disabil…

You’ll have to care for her, because she frequently tries to harm herself, so you’ll need to be paid £58.45 a week for that – source: https://www.gov.uk/carers-allo…

You have  6 kids, so you’ll need a decent-sized place to stay. That’s £400 a week if you’re in London or any other major town – source: https://www.gov.uk/housing-ben…

Then there’s Child Benefit. You get £20.30 a week for the oldest one and £13.40 a week for each of the others. That’s £87.30 – source: https://www.gov.uk/browse/bene…

So far you’re making £808.75 a week after tax for working 15 hours a week. That’s £42,000 a year AFTER TAX FOR WORKING 15 HOURS A WEEK. A wonderful £696 a week (£36,000 a year) of this is benefits paid for by pathetic British taxpayers. You still have the rest of the week to do whatever you like. You can go fishing, drinking, working for cash or taking all of your relatives to the dentist for free treatment. Or you can send your children out to beg and steal, while you collect copper wire and manhole covers. And, by the way, if you get hungry, barbecued swan is apparently delicious and is free at your local park.

Once you’ve paraded the kids around the benefits office a few times, you can pack them all off back to Romania or Bulgaria where it’s cheaper to keep them We’ll still pay you £87.30 a week in Child Benefit. Or you can lend them to your mates who need to show that they have a few kids to qualify for their four-bedroom house and the extra benefits.

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to Benefits Britain! But make sure you get all the benefits to which you’re entitled under EU law.