England out of World Cup – Rooney ruins it

OK it hasn’t happened yet. But it will. So we might as well get ready for the inevitable. The England team are not particularly good. But more importantly, they’re not hungry to win. They’re so overpaid and spolit that they’d rather throw childish tantrums on the pitch than play proper football.

It might be Rooney, it might be someone else – but we can be sure that in a crucial game one of the players will get sent off after throwing a wobbly and England will go crashing out of the competition, as usual. Get used to it.