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My farewell letter to corrupt, mis-selling, money-laundering HSBC

The utterly corrupt, mis-selling, rate-fixing, money-laundering HSBC has decided to close the bank account I’ve had with them for about forty years just because I dared criticise them for their incompetence and dishonesty. So I’ve written them a goodbye letter. But they’ll be delighted to see the back of me:

Dear Ms Harries,

I would like to thank you for your letter of 25 July 2012. It’s truly one of the funniest letters I have ever received. I have now framed this and have it hanging on my office wall.

It’s truly amazing – HSBC, a bank than encourages its staff to mis-sell products, lie to customers, actively engage in money-laundering and rig interest rates feels that I am not a suitable customer. You couldn’t make it up. The only thing I’ll miss is the recidivist incompetence and lies that I regularly got from your staff, which gave me a lot of material when writing my latest book Pillaged! How they are looting £413m a day from your savings and pensions. So I must thank you for that. Though the prize for lies and incompetence must surely go to my former supposed relationship manager at HSBC International the utterly useless D…. L…….. I’m sure he will go far in HSBC. Maybe he’ll even get promoted to head of South American money-laundering or something like that.

 Twenty years ago, HSBC wasn’t a bad bank. But the culture of greed, sales targets and cheating customers, which I assume you wholeheartedly support hence your high position at HSBC, seems to have become widespread and so I’m not sad to have got myself out of your clutches. Though I have to admire you – I couldn’t do your job. I’m too honest. I couldn’t get up every morning and go to work knowing that my prime purpose was to lie and cheat to squeeze as much money as possible out of customers who were not aware of how today’s utterly corrupt HSBC prizes mis-selling and dishonesty above everything else.

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