August 2017
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Mr Cameron, I want some laws changed, but I can only pay £2,500

Dear David Cameron. If a senior fundraiser for your party is to be believed, you are not only a liar but are also thoroughly corrupt and will change Britain’s laws in return for a £250,000 payment. There are a few laws I’d like changed. For example, I think squatting should be made illegal in England like it is in Scotland. I also would like pension funds to be forced to be paid on results rather than being allowed to pocket £16bn of our money every year regardless of whether they make or lose money for savers.

But, Mr Cameron, here’s the problem – I can only afford to give you £2,500. I realise I would need a hundred times that for an intimate dinner with yourself and your fragrant wife. But perhaps we could meet for a quick burger and I could explain the law changes I want made. Then I could hand over the £2,500 in used £10 and £20 notes. I look forward to agreeing a date when we can meet and am off to buy a brown envelope to put the money in.

Yours sincerely, David Craig

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