Are Americans as stupid as the British? Cowell hopes so

As Simon “Slimey” Cowell’s karaoke show, the fiX-Factor, starts in the US, Slimey must be hoping that the Americans are as much a bunch of brain-dead, pig-ignorant morons as his British audience. Then the Americans will watch his ghastly “competition” and ring in by the million to vote for their favourite acts, making Slimey even richer. But the whole thing seems to be a fix. On one show, host Dermot O’Leary told viewers: ‘Your votes and your votes alone can get your favourite act safely through to the final.’ Yet it seems the voters got the wrong answer so it was actually the judges who decided which of the bottom two acts to save and which to send home.

Voting in Slimey’s the fiX-Factor is just as pointless as voting on the EU’s Constitution – whatever the result, the people running the show decide what happens.