Simon Cowell as new immigration minister

The gruesome, reptilian (in my opinion) Simon Cowell continues his takeover of dumbed-down, stupid, obese chav Britain. Apparently our immigration policy is now being decided on how well illegal immigrants perform�on Cowell’s (lack of) talent show. If they then add in a load of blubbering and ‘I’m doin’ this for my mum’ apparently they get a nice new British passport as well.

Couldn’t we just deport the awful Cowell? Send him to the US and then confiscate his passport as his dumbing-down of Britain makes him a threat to national security.