August 2017
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Don’t come to Bournemouth – the yobs are taking over

Bournemouth used to be a rather genteel town where you could get away from the marauding gangs of youths and thuggishness of so many other places. No more, unfortunately. Now the town is full of groups of drunken, foul-mouthed, aggressive yobs and porcine, permanently inebriated, scantily-dressed slags. Some parks have become no-go areas for the law-abiding. Try to play tennis on public courts and you’ll have abuse, threats and even empty bottles hurled at you.

So what are our useless police doing? Absolutely nothing! In three years here, I’ve only ever seen one policeman. If you’re lucky you might see a couple of overweight plastic bobbies (PCSOs) waddling along, sweating with the effort of moving their fat limbs. If there are actually any police here, I suppose they’re hiding behind mounds of paperwork in their police stations, waiting contentedly for early retirement on a full pension at fifty. If you want a relaxing weekend away – don’t come to Bournemouth.

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