Rooney has scored!

Yes, it’s true. That overpaid, self-indulgent and lazy lump that is Wayne Rooney has scored. And this time it’s not with some superannuated prostitute, it’s a real goal in a football match. In fact, he got two goals. This is great for Manchester United fans who are stupid enough to pay Mr. Rooney’s grossly excessive salary. But it’s a sad day for Britain’s whores as Mr. Rooney may now be spending less time (and money) in their company.