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By  David Craig, on October 11th, 2010 For anyone who really is stupid enough to care, more evidence is coming out that the ghastly Simon Cowell’s crap-crooners competition may be rigged. The internet is abuzz with rumours that Cowell paid to buy one of the contestants, Katie Waissel, out of a US recording contract so she could stay on the show. In spite of bothching up her judges’ house audition, Miss Waissel was mysteriously put through to the live finals while other contestants with flawless performances were axed.
Are some X-Factor viewers finally realising that the Pope is catholic?
By David Craig, on October 11th, 2010 Each evening I watch the BBC news to get angry at political correctness gone mad, then Channel 4 news to find out what’s really happening in the world. What’s the point of the BBC news? There’s no news, just endless stories of ‘victims’ who all want compensation for something or other. In Britain, at least half the millions of people getting disability benefits are lying, lazy scroungers. Yet the useless politically-correct BBC managed to find someone to interview who actually deserved disability benefit.
Funny that the BBC never interviews working families who cannot afford things for themselves because they’re paying so much tax to support the hundreds of thousands of worthless scroungers living it up on benefits of £20,000 or more. Let’s scrap the BBC news and save the taxpayer millions.
By David Craig, on October 10th, 2010 The outpouring of drivel by the press following some game of golf in water-sodden Wales was extraordinary. A bunch of generally overweight men in shocking clothes waddling around in the rain hitting a ball with sticks were hailed as conquering heroes, indomitable fighters, lions etc etc. No they were just another lot of overpaid third-rate celebs, the kind that our bankrupt culture for some reason reveres
Yes, we do have real heroes. They are fighting unnecessary and illegal wars or working in inner cities trying to combat crime and hopelessness or in foreign jails banged up for opposing criminality and tyranny. But a few European poorly-dressed fatties able to hit a ball slightly better than some American poorly-dressed fatties are not heroes.
By David Craig, on October 9th, 2010 Every time I book a holiday, it seems that I end up travelling with the awful Thomson Holidays. Whether it’s First Choice, Crystal Ski, Airtours, Laterooms or Austravel – it’s actually just another bog-standard, bog-awful Thomson holiday. In fact Thomson’s German owners Tui have about 200 different brands, presumably to disguise the fact that all you’re getting is just another bog-standard, bog-awful Thomson holiday, whoever you book with.
Still, to look on the bright side, travel with Thomson and you’ll definitely improve your German as most of the people at your hotel will be Germans. But this does make it difficult to get a sunlounger near the swimming pool as they’ve all been taken by fat porcine Germans depositing their towels on them before 07.00 each morning.
By David Craig, on October 8th, 2010 The gruesome, reptilian (in my opinion) Simon Cowell continues his takeover of dumbed-down, stupid, obese chav Britain. Apparently our immigration policy is now being decided on how well illegal immigrants perform on Cowell’s (lack of) talent show. If they then add in a load of blubbering and ‘I’m doin’ this for my mum’ apparently they get a nice new British passport as well.
Couldn’t we just deport the awful Cowell? Send him to the US and then confiscate his passport as his dumbing-down of Britain makes him a threat to national security.
By David Craig, on October 8th, 2010 Labour seem to have chosen their greatest expense fiddlers to populate their shadow cabinet. But the biggest joke of all must be making the reportedly idle Postman Pat shadow chancellor. The thought of Postman Pat trying to get to grips with the complexity of economics should bring a smile to the faces of everyone who loves a good practical joke. Maybe Red Ed has a sense of humour after all.
Spivs, frauds, expenses thieves and idlers – step forward the Labour shadow cabinet.
By David Craig, on October 8th, 2010 Our useless, overpaid admirals have decided to cut the size of the navy so that they can get their hands on some expensive new toys – two aircraft carriers. Leaving aside that fact that we won’t have any planes to put on the carriers due to navy incompetence, this is still a really stupid decision. It costs £4bn or so to build a carrier and less than £100,000 for our enemies to destroy one. Carriers are not that useful in the mountains of Afghanistan or the deserts of the Yemen where we will fight future wars.
What we need are more drones, better body armour, rifles that work, bullets which kill our enemies, better ground transport vehicles – not two massive and generally useless aircraft carriers. A lot of our troops are going to die unnecessarily so that our admirals can have their new toys. But when you have a fine, central-London office at the MoD, a big salary and a huge pension you don’t give a damn about the lives of ordinary soldiers.
By David Craig, on October 7th, 2010 Which country is the most corrupt? Pakistan or India? Until last week, Pakistan would win hands down. After all, Pakistan’s president, ‘Mr. Ten Percent’, and his cronies have probably already stolen most of the money destined for the victims of Pakistan’s terrible floods. But with the Commonwealth Games, India have made a tremendous come-back. The organisers have given many key jobs to family members and contracts to friends and associates. Tens of millions have ‘disappeared’ and yet none of the venues was finished on time. So, well done India for an impressive performance.
But on balance, the utter greed and dishonesty of Pakistan’s ruling elite must still make that blighted country the regional chanpion in corruption and venality. Well done, Pakistan. You’ve beaten arch rivals India yet again and have won Commonwealth gold.
By David Craig, on October 7th, 2010 The Apprentice is back. Or maybe they’re showing a repeat of last year’s effort. After all, the contestants are the same loud-mouthed, attention-seeking, self-opionated trash as we saw last year, and the year before and …
As for ‘Lord’ Sugar. It looks to me as if the great man was given a peerage as a PR stunt by Britain’s worst ever PM, the congenital liar Brown, as a desperate attempt to win a few votes and decrease his unpopularity. If Sugar had any self respect, surely he’d hand back his tainted peerage?
By David Craig, on October 2nd, 2010 Having just slogged through writing another book to be published in February 2011, I look with envy at so-called ‘stars’ like CHERYL COLE and DANNII MINOGUE whose books are, according to the Sun, shooting up the bestseller charts.
I wonder if these two literary titans have ever read the books they wrote.
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