August 2017
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“Hooray! Eurozone saved!” – Two hours later – “Arrrggggh! Eurozone doomed!”

For weeks, Spanish pride and vanity prevented Spain’s incompetent leaders admitting their bankrupt country needed a bailout. This weekend these pompous idiots thought they’d come up with a brilliant solution that would allow them to get their greedy hands on over £80bn of European taxpayers’ cash to pour into the black hole of their own Gordon-Brownian financial incontinence while maintaining their supposed ‘dignity’. The country didn’t need a bailout, they said – it was just Spain’s banks. As stock markets shot up on the news of the bailout of Spain’s banks, the Euromidgets who run the eurozone cracked open the bubbly to celebrate their latest attempt to cover up the economic catastrophe ruining the PIIGS. Most observers predicted that this latest euro-fudge  wouldn’t last a month. In fact it only lasted about four hours before financial market realised the whole thing was just a con by dithering fools unable to agree on how to save the eurozone’s economy from total collapse. Stock markets fell by the end of the day and the next day Spain’s and Italy’s borrowing costs hit record highs. So here are a few simple messages for the eurozone’s excuses for leaders because they seem to be as economically incompetent as our own equally useless George Osborne:

1. When a country has 25% unemployment (Spain, Greece and soon Italy and Portugal) and 50% unemployment amongst the young, it is impossible for that country to grow its way out of debt. 2. When a country is paying almost 7% to borrow, it is in a death spiral. 3. Borrowing costs for the PIIGS must be brought down to around 2%. The only way to do that is through eurobonds. 4. The money saved from debt repayments by reducing borrowing costs from 6.5% to 2% must be reinvested in labour-intensive infrastructure projects to start the virtuous spiral of more jobs leading to less unemployment leading to lower benefits payments and higher taxes leading to more money for investment projects. 5. The only way to save the eurozone’s economy is by moving from the current self-reinforcing death spiral to a virtuous spiral of more jobs, less benefits, more taxes, more money for investment.

It’s really quite simple, but unfortunately far too complicated for our totally worthless overpaid euroleaders.

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