What joy to see corrupt rich Indians being scammed

If you have spent time in India or any similar Third-World country (Pakistan, Indonesia or anywhere in Africa), you will know that you spend most of your waking hours with the locals trying to scam you, rob you or both. I don’t blame India’s poor for trying to get whatever money they can. After all, in a country where over 500 million people defecate in the streets because they’re too poor to have even the most rudimentary form of a toilet, life is hard and is a continual battle for survival.

But I do resent being continually ripped off by India’s wealthy. If you try to do business there, it’s always “no bribe, no business”. Though if you were to offer an Indian or a Pakistani a bribe directly, they would be hugely offended. After all, you’d be suggesting that they were corrupt. Which of course they all are. But to admit this would mean them losing face. Instead, you have to use an Indian middleman (it’s almost always a man) to distribute the appropriate bribes for you in return for keeping a considerable amount of your money himself.

So, while I’m here in the Land of Smells, it’s a true joy to watch the rich Indian tourists being relieved of their money by the locals. You see, after decades of socialist economic stagnation, India’s economy is starting to grow and the newly affluent middle classes are generally new to international tourism and so are not as aware of typical scams that Western tourists might know about.

The one I see most is the ‘damaged’ jet ski scam. It goes like this:

1. A group of young Indian men rent a few jet skis (Indian men always do things together. Even when it comes to having sex with prostitutes, you’ll seldom see less than 3 to 4 men taking the same girl at the same time)

2. Off they go whooping and screaming in delight as they shoot across the waves

3. When they bring their jet skis back to the beach, the renters (scammers) pull the jet skis out of the water and notice some apparent ‘damage’ that has been caused to the undersides. This was not visible when the jet skis were rented as they were already floating in the water

4. The scammers demand that the tourists (scammees) pay for the ‘damage’ they supposedly have caused. They usually ask for several hundred pounds

5. A big argument ensues, but with more jet ski renters crowding round, the scammees feel outnumbered and increasingly threatened

6. One of the scammers rips off his t-shirt in apparent ‘fury’ as if squaring up for a fight with the scammees. The situation is becoming very tense

7. Fortunately for the scammees, a policeman (usually an extremely well-fed one) on a moped turns up just before things get nasty. Relieved that the police have arrived, the scammees explain the situation and without getting off his moped to inspect the ‘damage’ the policeman proposes a compromise whereby the scammees pay just a little less than the money demanded by the scammers

8. Realising that this is about the best possible outcome they’re likely to get, the scammees allow themselves to be marched off to a nearby ATM to pay the scammers. The policeman gets a 20% cut of the money

9. The jet skis are pushed back in the water ready for the next group of scammees to be fleeced

So the utterly corrupt get taken to the cleaners by the even more corrupt. Hey ho, that’s the way it goes.

Here’s a short YouTube clip of the whole process: