A New Year’s message from Dave and George

Hello oiks. 2011 is going to be a pretty tough year, at least it will be for you stupid oiks. For us and all our friends, we’ll be having a whale of a time with your money. Firstly, our ‘tough’ new rules on MPs’ expenses mean they can now steal even more of your money than they did before. And we’ve put lots of our best chums into the House of Lords so they can fiddle their expenses till the day they die. And we’ve changed the rules so that a peer only needs to spend one day a month at their so-called ‘main home’. This lets all those with houses in France and Italy claim these are their main homes and you dumb oiks have to pay all their travel to and from their real homes in Britain.

Finally, we’ve buried the report on the RBS disaster so that none of our friends in banking ever get prosecuted for fraud, false accounting, obtaining money by deception and all the other things they’re guilty of. After all, when we leave Downing Street, we’ll both be off to work for a bank or two, just like Tony, so we don’t want to spoil our chances by upsetting any bankers. We’re going to have a wonderful New Year, unlike you stupid oiks who voted for us. Ha, ha.