This is an urgent appeal by Unicef UK

Tuesday-Wednesday blog

With so much trouble in the world – war and poverty and disease and whatnot – Unicef UK has ever more work helping itself (sorry, I meant ‘helping poor children’). Silly me!

So I’m sure you will agree that our 400 employees having an average salary of a measly, miserly £47,000 a year is simply not acceptable. We should be paid much more because of all the wonderful work we do helping the world’s poorest children.

Moreover, there are only 14 big bosses at Unicef UK who are paid over £100,000 a year and, of these, only two get more than £130,000 a year.

Please help the world’s most disadvantaged children. If 26,000 of you give just £5 a month, that will pay the salaries of our 14 highest-paid executives. And if 420,000 of you give just £5 a month, that would pay all our salaries. Though, if enough of you give give give, we’ll probably just give ourselves massive pay rises to reward ourselves for the enormous sacrifices we all make to show how much more virtuous we are than all of you. After all, we gave ourselves a 4.4% pay rise last year when our average salaries increased from £45,000 to £47,000.

So, please give generously. You can see it makes sense. Unicef UK do-gooders deserve much more of your hard-earned money. You don’t want us to be trapped forever in soul-destroying poverty, do you?