Snouts in the Trough

(to the tune of Summer Holiday)

We’re all going on three months summer holiday                                                           

To do the things you wish you could do                                                                  

Spending your money on our summer holidays                                                        

We don’t care what happens to you-hoo-hoo                                                        

We’re all right so sod you!

Having recently bought a flat, I found that the surveyor who should have been working for me, deliberately overlooked a whole series of faults with the property. The problem was that the surveyor has frequently worked with the estate agent and so didn’t want to tell me the flat was a disaster otherwise I wouldn’t have bought it and the estate agent wouldn’t have got his commission.

Are all British surveyors as corrupt?

Another three British troops killed in Afghanistan trying to prop up a corrupt, drug-dealing puppet government that will collapse as soon as we are eventually forced to retreat from that godforsaken country.

Our MPs don’t give a toss. They’re busy cheating on their expenses and planning their three-month summer holidays. And from the comfort of the MoD’s newly refurbished £2bn offices, some arrogant little bureaucratic toss-bag at the MoD commented, “An investigation is under way and more details will be released when appropriate.”

Eurocrats are busy telling member countries that they will have to increase pension ages to reduce the massive financial burden of their ageing populations. Of course, there is one exception to this advice – the EU bureaucracy. They will keep their extraordinarily generous, full-pension, early retirement for all their staff so none will have to work beyond sixty and many will be able to take it easy in their mid-fifties.

‘Work till you die’ is their message to us, while they can live a life of luxury at our expense. It’s a pity neither Cameron nor Clegg seem to want the eurocrats to share the pain of the Age of Austerity.

It appears that the preposterously pompous Lord Mandelscum has graced us with his one-sided recollections of how he once was the most important person in Britain.

Let’s hope the few people left in Britain who still buy and read books will ingore the preening Mandelscum’s self-serving drivel.

The politically-correct crowd are already bleating and moaning that the police should have prevented the piece of garbage Raol Moat from killing himself. Bollocks to this. The police should have just told him to top himself earlier. Thank goodness he’s dead. That’ll save the taxpayer millions as we won’t have to give him luxury prison accommodation for the next thirty years.

Rot in hell Moat, as you deserve. It’s a pity Huntley and a few others don’t have the courage to join you.

The bunch of ex-Goldman Sachs b*****s who run Ocado are trying to get ordinary punters to buy shares in their loss-making business. This will let them pocket over £100 million and leave suckers with shares in a company that is going to be decimated by competition and the coming Age of Austerity.

Don’t get conned by this bunch of b******s, Ocado is a dead loss. This share issue stinks to high heaven – steer clear!

Yesterday a fire at a Burger King closed down Liverpool Street station. If I remember correctly, Burger King has caused fires in Heathrow Airport, Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport and now Liverpool Street Station.

Those flame-grilled burgers really seem to set the world alight

Really?

There will be rejoicing at the Grauniad today. Firstly a Hutton-style whitewash has proved that fiddling figures on global warrming was not fiddling figures on global warming. Secondly, Supreme Court judges have ruled that any homosexual or lesbian from anywhere in the world can now come to Britain, claim asylum and live comfortably off benefits for the rest of their lives.

Happy days for the dishonest, lazy, parasitic and self-interested – happy days for Grauniad readers.