“One million percent yes!”

You guessed it – the X-Factor is back with it’s usual collection of the talentless, the shallow and the inane. And some people might say that’s just the judges. As for the contestants – an endless stream of blubbing and squealing nonentities supported by their obese, ugly families. Most seem to be ‘single mums’ (benefit scrounging slags who have no idea who fathered their swarms of children), hairdressers and jobless layabouts who couldn’t spell the word ‘work’.

Although Cowell makes tens of millions, doesn’t he ever get a bit bored of the garbage he serves up? Answer: “One million percent yes!”