How to understand what our leaders are really saying

In an age where PR is more important than substance and where politicians’ and bureaucrats’ highest priority is their own financial well-being, it can sometimes be difficult to understand what they are really saying. So I’ve tried to start assembling a guide to what our leaders actually mean. I’m sure readers of this blog can think of many more examples:

“I accept full responsibility” = I’m hanging onto my job, big salary and massive pension, so you can all Foxtrot Oscar

“A full and thorough investigation” = A full and thorough cover-up

“Leaving no stone unturned” = Quick, delete all those emails and shred those documents!

“Expenses” = Unlimited amounts of taxpayers’ money which we can siphon off at will

“Fairness” = We’re pushing taxes up so we can waste even more of your money

“Racist” = Someone who dares question our policy of wiping out any sense of British identity as we become a minor region of the EU superstate

“Referendum on EU membership” = In your dreams, you stupid plebs

“A mansion” (as in Mansion Tax) = a small house anywhere in the South East

“Care home” = Institution where the elderly get neglected and mistreated while the owners become multimillionaires

“Tax the rich” = Fleece anyone who can be bothered to get up in the morning and go to work

“The very rich” = We never use that expression because the only people, who are very rich, are bankers, bureaucrats and politicians

“Any banker breaking the law will be prosecuted” = We will never prosecute any bankers as they are generous contributors to our party and when we lose our seats we all want well-paid jobs working for a bank or two

“Cuts” = Increased spending   “Savage cuts” = Slightly slower increases in spending

“Pensions” = Large amounts of money given to politicians and bureaucrats when they retire at 60. A pathetic pittance given to plebs when they retire at 70

“Pension funds” = Legalised theft   “Unit Trusts” = Legalised theft   “Annuities” = Legalised theft

“Border control” = No control of who comes into Britain and absolutely no control if they ever leave

(GREED UNLIMITED = A book I wrote but which nobody buys, as people would much rather spend their money voting on things like Simon Cowell’s supposed “talent” shows than a serious book which concerns their future)