June 2021
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OMG! OMG! It’s Osbornomics!

To cheer us up in these dreadful times, here’s an entertaining example of a completely new branch of economics – Osbornomics.

Osbornomics is a unique combination of arrogance, deceit, stupidity and pomposity and is only possible because its founder is best chums with the PM. Like the disastrous, financially incontinent joke of a chancellor Gordon Brown, George Osborne has a degree in history, has never studied economics (though some people may see that as an advantage) and has never had a proper job in the private sector.

The Government wants to sell off the Royal Mail to get a bit of money so it can carry on spending £750bn a year while only taking in about £630bn a year in taxes. But there was a problem. The Royal Mail has £28bn in its pension scheme, but liabilities of £37bn. Who would be stupid enough to buy a company with a £9bn hole in its pension fund? Nobody. So the Government had a problem – how to make the Royal Mail saleable?

Our genius of a chancellor, former napkin-folder Baronet Osborne, and his half-witted advisers came up with a typically cack-handed solution. They have taken the Royal Mail’s £28bn pension fund money and added it to the Government’s assets. In doing so, they got £28bn more to spend and waste. Most of it will probably go into the welcoming pockets of the one million Romanians and Bulgarians who will start flooding into Britain come January 1st 2014.

Of course, by taking over the Royal Mail’s £28bn pension fund, idiot Osborne also made us taxpayers liable for the Royal Mail’s £37bn pension liabilities. In fact, given increasing longevity, the £37bn liabilities are probably an underestimate and the real figure may be nearer £50bn. But hey, who cares? That £37 to £50bn will be paid out gradually over many years. By the time our useless financial journalists realise what a cock-up the whole thing has been, multimillionaire Osborne will have long since left politics for a well-paid job working for a bank or two as a reward for allowing them to cheat their customers and evade tax for so many years.

First we had Brownomics – spend £100bn a year more than you earn while convincing our inept political and financial journalists that you were practising fiscal prudence. Now we have Advanced Brownomics, otherwise known as Osbornomics – keep on spending much more than you earn and fiddle the books to try to cover up your own incompetence. This chart shows the result of years of lying, bungling fools at Number 11:

But soon we may experience something even worse than Brownomics and Osbornomics – yes, Ballsonomics is heading our way.

Anyone who thinks this is going to end well is going to be rather surprised when their savings and pensions are confiscated to pay off government debt when our Government can no longer borrow on international markets.

The 2007/8 financial crash was a Sunday school picnic compared to what’s hurtling towards us at a speed of £120bn a year.

A few days ago I wondered why none of our political journalists had mentioned that the reason the British and French governments were hastily legalising gay marriage was due to pressure from the European Court of Human Rights. I now find it surprising that no journalist has noticed that grabbing £28bn of pension fund assets to land the taxpayer with an eventual bill of somewhere between £37bn and £50bn, is not a particularly great deal for British taxpayers.

1 comment to OMG! OMG! It’s Osbornomics!

  • William

    Ahh I love your column and website as being in the USA it gives me glimpse into our not so distant future. Misery loves company and our country is nipping at your heals in our descent into the socialist morass.

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