A strange death in Paradise?

Tuesday blog

Going to Paradise?

This blog will be rather trivial compared to my normal stuff. So I’ll only leave it up for one day.

Part of the reason it will be trivial is that I’ve just returned from a period abroad in a country generally thought of as being rather ‘exotic’ and so haven’t had time to catch up with what is happening in the world. Moreover, jetlag isn’t great for one’s powers of concentration.

The country I was visiting is famed for its wonderful weather, perfect beaches, clear turquoise seas, many islands, fabulous food and friendly people. It is often referred to as the LoS (Land of Smells or Land of Smiles – you choose). It’s also know for various entertainments of a rather adult nature which, for reasons of good taste, I am reticent to discuss in any detail.

For many visitors, especially males, going to the LoS is the nearest they’ll ever get to Paradise without actually leaving this mortal coil.

While I was in the LoS, there was an incident which attracted worldwide attention. A famous sportsperson, whom we’ll call ‘Bruce’, had gone on a ‘lads’ holiday’ with a couple of friends. On the first day of his holiday, Bruce died of a heart attack despite having played sport all his life and despite only being just over fifty years old.

The official version

The official version of Bruce’s demise was that he had been suffering ill-health for some time, had just been on a fairly brutal 2-week liquid-only diet to get in shape for his holiday and had been complaining of chest pains for several days before his holiday. To try to relax after their long flight, Bruce and his mates had reportedly invited four highly-qualified local masseuses to their holiday villa. Two of the highly-qualified masseuses apparently attended to Bruce while the other two looked after Bruce’s mates. There is cctv footage from the villa where Bruce and his chums were staying featuring the four highly-qualified masseuses all leaving together after their work with Bruce and his chums was finished.

Following his massage by two highly-qualified local masseuses, Bruce went to sleep and sadly had a heart attack and never woke up.

This version of Bruce’s passing suited Bruce’s home country where he was a national hero and was given a state funeral. So nobody there was interested in suggesting that Bruce’s passing had been in any way connected with any activities that might be considered in any way slightly louche. It also suited the authorities in the LoS as for years they had been trying to promote their country as a family tourism destination and had been trying to get rid of the LoS’s reputation as a must-go destination for the world’s mongers:

The alternative version?

Unpleasant people of a cynical nature might, however, be tempted to ascribe Bruce’s passing to a little more than the explanation given by the authorities in Bruce’s home country and in the LoS.

Such people, might even have imagined that the four local ladies who visited Bruce and his chums weren’t actually highly-qualified masseuses but rather were ladies who earned their living providing services which went slightly beyond what most people would consider a traditional massage. Such people might even have speculated that, during the ‘massages’, there was ‘partying’, generous quantities of alcohol were consumed and that even a certain well-known blue pill designed to assist male performance and endurance might have been used.

There is nothing in this alternative version of events which contradicts the official version. But it does add a little local colour and culture and maybe gives some insight as to why the unfortunate Bruce’s heart was put under so much strain that it gave up the ghost?

Such cynics might even go as far as to suggest that Bruce went out with a bang. Though I would never sink so low.