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I’m too stupid to be a government minister

(Monday/Tuesday blog)

Why am I so stupid?

This week two bits of Chinese Covid-19 plague news combined to make me realise that I am incredibly stupid – far too stupid to ever become a government minister.

The two bits of Chinese Covid-19 plague news were:

  • a new test for Covid-19 is being rolled out which doesn’t need to be sent to a lab and which gives a result in about 20 minutes
  • that great genius, Home Secretary Priti Patel, is instituting compulsory 2-week quarantine for anyone arriving in the UK from abroad (with a number of exceptions)

Now I admit I’m no expert in airports. But having taken about 80 flights a year for around 15 years – over 1,200 flights, I have seen a few airports. And I distinctly remember that most airports have big room thingies where passengers go to collect their luggage.

So, being incredibly stupid and obviously not as clever as Home Secretary Priti Patel, it occurred to me that there was really no need for Priti’s 2-week quarantine which would decimate what little is left of Britain’s aviation industry and result in further many thousands of job losses. Instead of Priti’s quarantine, testing stations could be set up in airport baggage collection halls and all arriving passengers could be tested before going to collect their luggage. Those who didn’t have luggage would also be tested and made to wait for the results before being allowed to leave the airport. Then those who tested negative for the Chinese plague could go on their way and those who tested positive driven to quarantine centres in one of the many hotels situated near our airports. Arriving passengers could even be charged say £20 each for the test which would amply cover the cost of the testing.

I’m sure a similar arrangement could be put in place for passengers arriving by ferry and rail.

It may be that I’m not the only person who had this idea. There may be many thousands or tens of thousands who had the same idea. But if you, like me, thought there was no need for Priti Stupid’s quarantine as arriving passengers could be tested on arrival, then that just shows that you’re as stupid as I am. And it definitely shows that we’re not as clever as the redoubtable Ms Patel and therefore we would never be clever enough to be a government minister.

The problem now is that, having announced her great policy, Priti Dim cannot abandon it however dumb it actually is – to abandon it and replace it by testing on arrival would make Priti Useless lose face. So, the quarantine policy will be implemented however much damage it causes to British jobs.

And while we’re on the subject of stupidity, let’s lighten the mood with a brief look at the functioning, or otherwise, of what Labour MP David Lammy uses as a brain.

Is David Lammy one of the stupidest men in Britain?

I presume you all know who David Lammy is. He’s a Labour MP who seems to have made a career of jumping on any bandwagon he happens to see and of screaming “racism” at every possible opportunity.

In 2014, the great Lammy appeared on Celebrity Mastermind. Hopefully you know that Celebrity Mastermind is  nothing like the real Mastermind. In Celebrity Mastermind the questions are made really easy so that the supposed ‘celebrities’ won’t be embarrassed by their stunning ignorance.

Some of the highlights of Mr Lammy’s performance were

  • believing that the surname of the French lady ‘Marie’ who did research into radiation was ‘Antoinette’
  • ‘knowing’ that a fortress in Paris which was also used as a prison was ‘Versailles’
  • revealing that American actor James Gandolfini appeared as a mafia boss in “The Godfather” when most of us probably thought it was “The Sopranos”
  •  informing us that Henry VIII was succeeded by Henry VII (clearly Lammy had been taking maths lessons from the Abbopotamus)
  • announcing that a blue-veined British cheese was called ‘Leicester’

Anyway, here’s the mighty Lammy putting his ‘brain’ to work. Enjoy:

8 comments to I’m too stupid to be a government minister

  • Stillreading

    Truly stunning display on the part of the great Lammy! When I come across the programme, usually through random idle channel hopping, I am amazed anew by the ignorance of the majority of the “celebrities”. Typically however, they are not attempting to set themselves up in governance over the rest of us!
    In fairness to Priti Patel, the reason for 14 days’ quarantine for those entering the country is that the plague can take as long as 14 days to manifest itself in terms of any identifiable symptoms or to show up in a test. It is possible to appear and feel quite well, whilst incubating the disease and starting to infect others. Had quarantine been established and rigidly enforced at the beginning of February, it is possible – probable even – that none of the wretchedness we are now enduring would have been necessary. We’d all be working normally, meeting and taking care of our grandchildren, the nation’s children would be at school, we’d be meeting friends, entertaining and shopping as we used to do. Above all, the economy would not have been destroyed and the Government would not have had to borrow billions – every £1 of which we, the taxpayers, will have to repay. The management of the entire plague episode has been catastrophic and Boris’s performance yesterday deplorable. Interesting, isn’t it, to observe how in the minds of Cummings supporters, Boris included, the clear Government “instruction” to stay home, on pain of fine or even imprisonment for a repeated offence, has morphed into “advice”. What contempt they evidently all have for the Electorate who voted them into power!

  • David Craig

    I think you’re wrong about the test. I believe (but I may be wrong) that even if you’re in the first 5 asymptomatic days, the test will show whether you have the Chinese plague. Thus, for example, the 15,000 patients who were shoved out of hospital to make room for Covid-19 sufferers could have been tested before discharge even though they didn’t have any symptoms and this could have saved at least 10,000 lives of the 36,000+ who have died.

  • david brown

    Until recently Germany had more cases than the UK but its overall death toll was far less. Same with its medical staff.
    They have twice the ratio of Doctors to people we have.
    A factor in our death figures based on number of deaths per million people is that the UK population is really at least 70 million. Ten years ago the Independent run an article based on food producers figures, claiming our population was close on 80 million.

  • Stillreading

    Thanks David for your comment on the test. I could well be wrong – I’ll try to find out. If you are correct then yes – the solution to people entering in the country should be as you outline.

  • A Thorpe

    Two examples of how little most of us really know, especially when under pressure. I don’t know how the tests work, but a check produced the CDC site, https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/symptoms-testing/testing.html
    which says it can take 1-3 weeks to produce enough antibodies. I’m sure I could find an alternative view, so who and what do we believe? I’m increasingly of the view that we should have done nothing because the consequences of the policies are worse than the virus.

    My dentist is introducing “contactless visits”. I can’t wait to see how that works. They are limiting people in the surgery so we have to wait outside in a car or safe place (no idea what that is) and we will be called by phone and have to fill in forms on the phone and use contactless pay. How this can make the slightest difference I fail to understand considering the treatment. Insanity has set in.

    Lammy and others show why we need to get rid of the political parties. We should be voting for independent MPs who must make their own case for election directly to us. This is easily done with the technology available. The parties mask the idiots that get elected in party name and it suits the parties to have people they can control. Idiots can still elect idiots but at least we will have a system that makes sense.

  • David Craig

    The tests that would be done at airport arrivals are the virus tests and NOT (repeat NOT) (repeat NOT) the antibody tests. As far as I understand, the virus tests will detect the virus even if the person is asymptomatic and even if the person is at an early stage of infection.

  • William Boreham

    At a recent Downing Street press conference, the home secretary Priti Patel was asked a simple question: whether it was right that foreign NHS doctors and nurses are being given automatic visa extensions to carry on fighting coronavirus but that lower-paid NHS workers, like hospital porters and cleaners, are not?

    This is Patel’s reply in full:

    “Rob, thank you for your question, and again, as I’ve just said, already the work that we’re seeing across the NHS is just absolutely incredible, erm, and I’ve also just made the point as well that, you know, this is difficult in terms of, we’ve seen the complexities around immigration, but right across the immigration system through these unprecedented times and challenges we are supporting frontline health workers, social care workers, and obviously we are finding ways in which we can support other workers as well across the NHS. Our immigration system is incredibly complex and I have said that I am looking at various schemes. We keep everything under review. In fact, this point was made earlier this year with the Law Commission’s own report on immigration rules where our immigration system is complex. I want to simplify some of these rules, I really do, so we are now looking at what changes we can bring in, very much in the same way, as was announced yesterday, around the immigration health surcharge I am working across government with my colleagues to look at what we can do in this particular space.”

    Wonder what her reply would be to the question as to why she is allowing our ‘border force’ give a free taxi service to increasing numbers of illegal migrants crossing the Channel. Give me a speedboat and a machine gun and I’d solve the problem within a few days.
    We have a slip of a girl of Indian/Ugandan origin as Home Secretary and a Chancellor of the Exchequer of Punjabi origin – I know the English are becoming a minority in England, but not this sudden surely?

  • A Thorpe

    David, your article is confusing because you were talking about testing for Covid19. This is the disease caused by the virus, not the name of the virus. You now say the test is for the presence of the virus in the respiratory system.

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