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Come on a “Strategic Internal Communications” conference

I can’t bring myself to write about the ‘child migrant’ scam being forced on us by the progressive, lefty, mainstream media and bleating, blubbing multi-millionaire luvvies. Here are pictures you’ve probably all seen of supposedly ‘vulnerable 12-year-olds’ being welcomed into our country:

child-migrants

No doubt it won’t be long before these primitive, violent, inbred, benefits-scrounging, illiterate, unemployable, worthless morons are raping and robbing their way across our land. But the lefties and luvvies don’t care as they can afford to live in expensive neighbourhoods where they won’t have to experience the Religion of Peace crime wave the ‘vulnerable 12-year-olds’ will bring.

So, let’s deal with something a bit more cheerful.

Hopefully some of you saw the BBC2 documentary WHO’S SPENDING BRITAIN’S BILLIONS? in which I was briefly interviewed at 20.00h on Tuesday evening.

If you did, you’ll have seen some management-gobbledigook-spouting, complete idiots from the public sector trying to explain why they need to pay millions to management consultants. Most just parrotted the phrase “it’s sometimes useful to get an external perspective”. If these buffoons need someone to tell them how to do their jobs, why are we paying so many of them between £100,000 and £200,000 a year?

The most appalling was a really moronic old bat, who was leader of a council somewhere in Wales. She got so angry at the interviewer for showing up her utter stupidity and ineptitude that she threw him out of her office.

In my 20+years selling consultancy to self-opinionated, pompous, incompetent jackasses in the some of the worst-run organisations in the Western world, this ghastly woman is typical of council bosses, and most public-sector managers, across our once great country.

Anyway, here’s a short piece from an invitation I’ve just received to a conference on “Strategic Internal Communications” (whatever those are).

In my experience, these totally pointless and meaningless conferences tend to be attended by crowds of supposed ‘managers’ from the public sector. It gives them the chance for a nice day out at taxpayers’ expense and makes them feel important and effective.

Here’s the invitation:

We’ve got a host of industry leaders coming to speak to you about empowering employees, communicating effectively through change, creating a more agile workplace culture, making the most of available technologies, and much more.

This is your chance to learn cutting-edge employee engagement techniques while gaining fresh perspectives from a range of industry peers.

Speaker highlights include:

  • Rebecca Heptinstall, FT
  • Drew McMillan, Virgin Trains
  • Caroline Rhodes, Diageo
  • Nicola Green, Telefonica
  • Charelle Wigley, Bupa

Early bird registration closes this Friday, 21 October. Make sure you book before then to save £100 on your conference pass.

For me, there are two things interesting with this conference:

  • firstly, it’s just an opportunity for vast amounts of worthless, management-speak flatulence of the type so enjoyed by Britain’s new managerial classes who can talk the talk but definitely can’t walk the walk
  • secondly, note that four of the five ‘highlight’ speakers appear to be females. So, it’s not just men who can spend their whole careers climbing the organisational ladder by spouting unadulterated shite.

Anyway, next time you’re in a meeting or at a conference, having to listen to pure, one hundred percent tripe, here’s a card you can print off and use to play “Bullshit Bingo”:

bullshit-bingo-2016

You just have to tick off ten management-speak words and phrases, then you jump up and shout “Bullshit Bingo!!!”

Then you get fired for daring to expose the utter fatuousness of most British managers today.

1 comment to Come on a “Strategic Internal Communications” conference

  • MGJ

    You correctly draw attention to the comically pointless waste of time and resources these things represent.

    However even if they had value, there is no incentive whatsoever for anybody in the ‘public’ sector to become more efficient. With no constraints imposed by markets or customers the way to expand your empire is to reduce productivity in order to demonstrate the need for more resources.

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