That great climatologist Emma Thompson has spoken

Actress Emma Thompson, a true luvvie’s luvvie best known for playing an almost endless series of simpering females in costume dramas, has been on a Greenpeace ship visiting the Arctic to highlight the dreadful effects of supposed Global Warming (now conveniently renamed ‘Climate Change’ as the Earth hasn’t warmed at all for the last 17 years).

In addition to her acting skills, Emma is apparently a fully-qualified climatologist, or at least she seems to act as if she is.

And yesterday, former actress and now one of the world’s leading climatologists, Emma Thompson, spoke at a big Greenie rally in London where she said “Every single person on this Earth has the power to change the world. And when we all come together, our power becomes irresistible. Now we must use our power to tackle the biggest threat humanity has ever faced.”

And Emma ominously warned us “Unless we’re carbon-free by 2030 the world is buggered”.

It was a good idea for Emma and Greenpeace to visit the Arctic, where the ice pack has definitely been getting smaller. After all, I’m sure Emma and Greenpeace wouldn’t have wanted to suffer the embarrassment of a bunch of hapless Greenies last year.

The Greenies, accompanied of course by a Guardian journalist, set off from New Zealand with great fanfare on a research vessel, the Academic Shokalskiy, to recreate a 100-year-old Australasia expedition first sailed by Sir Douglas Mawson. The goal of their great voyage was to ‘prove’ how much less ice there was than a century ago.

Unfortunately for the Greenies, their boat soon hit a mass of thick ice sheets and got well and truly stuck:

An Australian icebreaker, Aurora Australis, was sent to the rescue. But it was unable to reach them because it was not strong enough to break through the unexpectedly thick ice – the thick ice the Greenies had claimed had melted due to ‘Global Warming’.

Then a top-of-the-range Chinese icebreaker, the Snow Dragon (‘Xue Long’), was deployed. But it too got stuck in the extremely thick ice that shouldn’t have been there according to the presumably surprised Greenies.

Finally the Greenies and the Guardian journalist had to be rescued by helicopter – they were able to build a helipad using the ice which the Greenies had denied existed.

So, keep up the good work Emma daahhlliiing. Keep fighting the myth of Global Warming to save us all from ourselves and keep preaching to us about how we must all change our lifestyles.

But just remember, Emma daahhlliiing, don’t go near the Antarctic with its record levels of ice, otherwise you might get stuck in the ice and look like a real twat.