Will they exile Andrew to a paradise for prostitution?

weekend blog

Since August 2020, Juan Carlos, the disgraced Spanish (former) king has lived in self-imposed exile in Abu Dhabi from Spain over allegedly improper ties to business deals in Saudi Arabia. The New York Times estimated in 2014 that Juan Carlos’s fortune was around €1.8 billion ($2.3 billion). The ageing ex-monarch was forced to abdicate the throne in 2014 in favour of his son, Felipe, under a cloud of scandal.

That brings us to our own rotten royal, the charming former Prince Andrew. As even more Epstein files are released, it’s not impossible that more scandals will emerge about Andrew’s shenanigans – things like dubious sexual encounters, dodgy business dealings and leaking of confidential government documents in exchange for cash, favours and other delights.

So, what will King Charles do? Will he keep Andrew under a short tether on Charles’s Sandringham estate? Ot will King Charles do whhat the Spanish did with their disgraced former monarch and allow Andrew to decamp to a luxury residence in one of the Gulf states?

To help our noble King decide what to do with Andrew, I’ve been doing a little research to find somewhere which would suit Andrew’s particular temperament and interests. Dubai may be just the place. The population of Dubai is just over 4 million. Probably this figure doesn’t include the number of prostitutes working there as prostitution is illegal.

Google tells us: It is impossible to provide an exact, verified number for prostitutes in Dubai, as prostitution is strictly illegal in the UAE, and therefore no official statistics exist. The trade operates underground, making precise estimation difficult. 

Earlier estimates from as far back as 2010 and 2016 suggested figures of up to 30,000 sex workers in Dubai alone. However, various media reports and human rights organizations have offered wide-ranging estimates. A more recent report from April 2024 by a Swiss newspaper claimed that over 50,000 prostitutes operate in Dubai.

The sex trade in Dubai is largely fueled by human trafficking, with many women brought from abroad—especially from Eastern Europe, Asia, and Africa—often under false pretenses of legitimate work, only to have their passports confiscated and be forced into sexual slavery. The UAE has faced international criticism for its handling of sex trafficking, with human rights activists and some foreign law enforcement agencies reporting a lack of cooperation from local authorities. 

So, if we assume that about 30% of Dubai’s population are males of prostitute-using age (1,200,000) then there is a prostitute for somewhere between every 40 and every 24 men.

Just to put this into context, there are around 32,000 prostitutes in London for a population of just over 9 million. So Dubai is definitely a great place for serial mongers like our noble former prince is rumoured to be.

Yup, Dubai seems to be just the place for our Randy Andy to spend the rest of his days shagging and shagging and shagging and ……..

Dear King Charles, I hope this is helpful as you decide the best way to get your wayward brother away from British media attention and British and American law enforcement.