Can Rooney only score with hookers?

As the underperforming, self-satisfied lump of lard that is Wayne Rooney misses a penalty against Arsenal, some people must be wondering if the Roon can only score with (usually ageing) hookers. Even girls who would open their legs for any footballer demand thousands when servicing our Wayne.

Still, as well as scoring a few hookers, Rooney also managed to score a massive pay rise from Sir Alex. So he must be doing something right. The problem is that Rooney now pockets so much of fans’ money that he’s no longer hungry for success. Instead he just idles his way through games doing little of any use. Just another depressing example from today’s snouts-in-the-trough Britain.