“Buffalo he sick” and other Thai bargirl stories

A major industry in Thailand is extracting money from foreign (Farang) tourists. The main people involved in this sector of the Thai economy are, of course, bargirls, barboys and ladyboys. The process for making Farang considerably poorer seems to have three main stages.

First and most obviously money is made by providing sexual services for Farang men who can’t get such things at home, either because they don’t have a willing partner or because their partner would rather do some knitting than pleasure their men.

But this is only the start. While with their Farang boyfriends, Thai bargirls, barboys and ladyboys will explain three things. 1. They have to work to provide money for their family. This will generally be true as Thai children feel a strong sense of duty to their parents who are usually impoverished rice farmers from Isaan province. 2. They have to work in a bar to get the kind of money needed to support themselves and their family. This will also be true as most will have little education. 3. If their Farang boyfriend sends them a little money each month then “me no need work bar – me stay room wait you”. This will definitely not be true. Any well-organised bargirl can hope to have three or four Farang all sending her money ostensibly so that she doesn’t have to work in a gogo bar any more. However, she will keep on working as Farang men can’t be trusted so she’ll always be on the lookout for new providers in case one of her existing ones drops out.

Like professional footballers, Thai bargirls only have a limited working life to provide for themselves, so they have to maximise their earnings. A third way to extract cash from their Farang is to invent a series of special events which all invariably require more cash to be sent. These can range from “buffalo die, hit by car, papa need money buy new buffalo” to “mama sick – need money pay doctor” to “grandma die – need money bury grandma”.

All Thai girls know that Farang men are more stupid than buffalo. After all, a buffalo will somethimes think with its brain, whereas Farang men only think with their cocks (which can often be quite small and therefore not so good for thinking with). But even though Farang men more stupid than buffalo, a girl has to be careful with which stories she feeds to each of her Farang providers. For example, if she tells a Farang provider one year that “grandma die, need money bury grandma” and the next year that “grandma velly sick – need money pay doctor” even the stupidest Farang might wonder at grandma’s remarkable recovery from her death the previous year.